Well today is another frustrating day learning the ins and outs of the place where I work! Let's leave that there lol I could end up ranting for a while. I'll say this though, you try your absolute best, and not one person recognises your efforts.
Have spent what feels like hours searching through website after website page after page searching for crochet ideas. I am itching to be able to get to the shop so that I can get some wool! I would have gone tonight late night shopping but I have a treasured lift home from work this week and so I had to take advantage of that instead. I think I shall go on Saturday afternoon after I finish work. I will have a bit of time to kill after work before the bus arrives. And I will hopefully find some time to start crocheting some squares when I get home. I received an email this afternoon to say my books have been dispatched. Hopefully they shall arrive fairly shortly, and hope even more that a kind neighbour may take my parcel for me whilst I am at work.
Crochet is so fascinating and it is amazing what can be created out of a straight line piece of wool.
I have my tv ready to watch a recorded episode of Who Do You Think You Are that was a new series started yesterday on BBC1. I think I am going to change my mind and save the programme for when I am feeling a little more awake. Time to be a good girl and go and hang my washing instead of having to wash it all again for a third time! and then off to bed for me.
I don't know what happened to me, but for some reason I just feel extra tired all the time. I literally don't have the time in the week to get enough sleep in order to feel normal. When I finally finish work for the week on a Saturday, I come home and stay up for a few hours, I will then go to sleep and read for an hour then drift off, I can easily sleep for a good 12 hours then before waking, I will wake have a coffee watch a teeny bit of telly or do a teeny bit of crochet, then its straight back to bed where I will read for a very short while and then sleep for what could easily be another 6 or 7 hours.
This continues on until Monday morning, on Mondays I feel fine. Then the week of work begins again and I wind up the same way on Saturday evenings. I feel the constant need to sleep and when I am not asleep I am not really with it. I am with it enough to carry out my work and to appear like a regular human being but inside all I wanna do is be in my bed.
Too scared to go and speak to the Doctor in case they just blame it on what seems to be their universal answer for everything, you have depression. Yeah right, well it doesnt matter how much counselling you take or how many pills you pop you ain't gonna cure loneliness and the you aren't gonna take my troubles away.
They say I have been suffering from the depression off and on for the past 11 years since my mother died. I reckon its a whole load of baloney. And if I really have been suffering for depression for so long, and this incredible tiredness is a symptom of depression, why is it only now that I am experiencing this incredible tiredness!
Perhaps my problem is I am happier in my "book world" or my "dream world" than I am in the real world. Why is it all the real world consists of work and more work. Some may argue that there are plenty of things there to do in spare time. The fact is as a single person there is a whole heap of stuff that I miss out on that everyone else seems to take for granted. Holidays for instance are too expensive with the single supplement and pretty boring alone. Going out for meals, going to the cinema all sorts of things are things you can only do with other people. No good for me.
Even the supermarkets reward people that have other people in their lives. Why is it my food is cheaper only if I buy so much of it I have to throw three quarters of it away because I cannot eat that much!
This makes the book world and the dream world a far more enjoyable space for me to be in!
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